Will you blow on my dice?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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