Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
