finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
