ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
