Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
