Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
