im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
