I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
