I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
