just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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