he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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