So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
