The maid of honor just puked.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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