Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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