I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
