Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
