he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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