Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i have two assholes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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