I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
