Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
