What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
