Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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