"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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