He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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