looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
