Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
