You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
