What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Couch. On fire.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
