I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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