Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
