I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
