I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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