my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
