Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
