He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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