I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She bit a glass in half.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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