at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
