Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
another moral hangover. fuck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
