Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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