Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
50% drunk capacity currently
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
