It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
