ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
