my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
