you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
