So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So squirting runs in the family.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
