i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
