Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
