she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
