i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
