How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
