Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
