I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
