I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
