I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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